Holiday Depression or the Blues: Being sensitive to those who are depressed
Beverly K. Hogan, B.S.N, M.S.N.
Advanced Practice Registered Psychiatric Nurse
Doctoral Student in Medical Sociology
Ah the Holidays – at last they have arrived. You thought they would never get here and now they are here. It is time to gather with the special people in our lives – including those we do not see often. Past angers and hurts are put aside or forgotten. And we give way to the joy and wonder that comes alive this time of year. Even old Scrooge gets the spirit in the end. There is certainly a sense of awe and magic at Christmas.
SADNESS AND STRESS CAN STEAL THE MAGIC
But it is clear that the magic of the season does not strike everyone. In fact, the holidays can be a sad time for some people – maybe it is the first Christmas without a loved one; perhaps the pace of activity is more stressful than joyous; the nostalgia of childhood hopes and dreams might just be another reminder that time is passing and not all one desires has been achieved. Maybe not being able to give or get the gifts we wanted leaves one with a sense of disappointment.
For most of us, these are fleeting moments that can be improved temporarily when we are busy with activities of the season. For some however, distraction from despair is not forthcoming. While there are certainly some very negative people that have a notorious ability to take the joy out of any event, avoiding a friend or loved one who is suffering from more severe forms of depression could worsen that sinking feeling that keeps them from feeling connected to other people. So how can you extend your sensitivity to people who are depressed during the holidays?
BACK TO BASICS
Never underestimate the value of exercise, sleep and eating right-These essential activities are especially important for someone that is prone to depression. Reminding others to tend to their basic self care needs may be helpful during the stressful times of the holidays. Offering to take a walk or run or bike ride or trip to the gym are great activities that may boost the mood. Sharing activities can also be helpful. By all means, encourage the person who is feeling depressed to join in but don’t expect them to snap out of it and become the life of the party. If they do not choose to go, you may want to avoid going on and on about how much fun they are missing or telling them how disappointed you are — People with depression are prone to feeling undeserving of fun and may even feel worthless because of not being able to participate.
Know when it is time to back off – there is a fine line between being helpful and being annoyingly intrusive.
CONVINCING AND SHAMING SOMEONE INTO ACTION DOES NOT HELP
People who are depressed may withdraw from others, especially if they feel criticized. Others may also withdraw from the depressed person, not sure of what to say or do. The best gift you can give to someone who is depressed is yourself. Offering your presence and assistance to help them do those things they do not feel like doing themselves – the basic things of daily living-bathing, eating and taking care of necessities
Actually sitting with the person- even if there is uncomfortable silence – conveys your commitment to them.
Some people feel they must fix the person or humor them into a better mood. If that works, fine-but usually as one descends into a depressed mood, it is an added burden to be pushed beyond one’s interests and ability to respond. It does not help to argue with someone about how they feel or how they should feel; instead pay attention to how the person does feel and demonstrate your concern. People who are depressed may not be able to give you a reason and it is generally not helpful to tell people they should feel differently because of all they have or have going for them. Such remarks can make the person feel badly for feeling depressed (which can add to feeling depressed).
And remember, at some point, putting all your energies into someone else while neglecting your own needs will prevent you from being able to help.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF
It is important to replenish yourself after spending a lot of time with someone who is depressed. Sadness can sometimes be so intense that it seems to have a contagious quality. And while depression is not contagious in the biological sense, the environment and people we are around affect our well being and mood. This is precisely why you do not want to cut off contact and avoid people who are depressed. But it is also important that you do not become so entrenched in helping that you neglect your own priorities. Letting your own reserves get to empty will leave no source from which to offer help, even to yourself. And when the person suffering from depression sees you neglecting yourself, this adds to their feeling of being a burden. Knowing when your caring attention is not working or is making matters worse can become a signal for needing to seek professional help.
WHEN TO SEEK HELP
SADNESS OR DEPRESSION???
So which is it? – the sadness or despondency we all get from time to time or the depression that the drug company ads urge you to get help for from your doctor? Certainly we are not normally happy and cheerful all the time; nor should we be depressed all of the time. When depression becomes a constant companion and maybe even gets worse instead of gradually better, the boundary between normal sadness and depression has been crossed. In such cases, it becomes harder and harder for friends and loved ones to cheer a person up.
Not everyone who gets depressed needs professional help but if the depression does not seem to be lifting or lasts more than a couple of weeks, it may be time to consult a mental health professional. As depression continues, an internal negative viewpoint begins to dominate the person’s thoughts. Casual comments may be interpreted as criticism or rejection. And negative thoughts can also include wishing they were not alive. This is serious.
THREATS OF SUICIDE ARE ALWAYS SERIOUS – YES ALWAYS
And always – Always take suicide seriously; even if the person is prone to seeking attention. Suicide is a serious sign requiring professional intervention. The Crisis Center can help a person access professional help and staff are trained to deal with emergencies and can be very helpful in these instances. Again, suicidal thoughts require professional help urgently.
THERAPY AND MEDICATION HELPS
A person thinking about suicide may have to be admitted to the hospital on a psychiatric floor for their safety. Sometimes people who are depressed are treated with medication to help “jumpstart” recovery from depression but whether a person is started on medication in the hospital or at a doctor’s office, counseling is an essential part of a recovery plan. Treatment is very effective and recovery is likely if lifestyle, thinking patterns and habits are modified.
Sadness and depression are part of life for most people but can be very serious for others; there are resources if professional help is needed and when our own helpful efforts are not improving matters, it is probably a good indication that doing more of it is not the answer – Maybe a mental health professional is a necessary solution.
The more we know about where to turn when we need help or are helping others, the more we are able to make better choices for ourselves and loved ones.
Resources:
Crisis Center 323-7777 (manages emergency calls and urgent situations; also makes referrals and offers assistance with deciding course of action)
Eastside Mental Health Center 836-7322 (serves people residing in the Leeds or Moody area regardless of income level)
Family & Child Services: 510-2600 (serves people residing in Jefferson County regardless of income level)
Mental Health America (formerly the Mental Health Association) 1-800-969-6642 (can help make referrals to mental health professionals.
